Film Characters We Want to be Prime Minister
It’s general election time again and with so much hanging in the balance, nobody seems to know what the f*ck is going on.
It’s pretty much all between May and Corbyn but everyone seems to be struggling to decide if either of them are actually any good. So we’ve wracked our brains and come up with some new ideas for potential party leaders…
Hermione Granger from Harry Potter
Why Hermione?
Hermione spends most of her time stopping Harry and Ron from behaving like total dicks whilst simultaneously saving their arses like the superhero that she is. If this isn’t the embodiment of someone prepped to lead a group of overprivileged MPs and steer them away from claims and tax-dodging, we don’t know what is.
What’s in her manifesto?
Obviously, Hermione would champion education and rights for all, from great wizards to muggles.
What’s her campaign quote?
“Books and cleverness… there are more important things; friendship and bravery.”
Woody the Cowboy from Toy Story
Why Woody?
Woody has been stuck for years under the less than watchful eye of Andy; the kid who loses his most valuable belongings on the regular, and yet still manages to get shit done and keep everyone safe. Woody knows that it’s important to have a strong team behind him too. On the basis of this, we see Buzz as deputy PM.
What’s in his manifesto?
Cowboy hats for everyone.
What’s his campaign quote?
“Reach for the sky!”
Shaun Riley from Shaun of the Dead
Why Shaun?
Because when shit hits the fan, Shaun knows you’re best to just get to the pub – like Nigel Farage without the racism and hatred. Also, when baddies come along, just beat them with a baseball bat – particularly helpful for when Trump visits. Politics does potentially call for a more metaphorical response though.
What’s in his manifesto?
No tax on booze so everyone can stay calm in the face of danger and probable death…
What’s his campaign quote?
“As Bertrand Russell said, the only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation. I think we can all appreciate that now.”
Edna Mode from The Incredibles
Why Edna?
Because Edna is a badass. She doesn’t take any shit, she knows what she’s doing and gets things done before you even realised you needed it.
What’s in her manifesto?
No capes.
What’s her campaign quote?
“Yes, words are useless! Gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble! Too much of it, darling, too much! That is why I show you my work! That is why you are here!”
Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean
Why Jack?
Potentially a disaster waiting to happen, we see Jack as a Boris type, but with a tiny smattering of morals. We’re not saying he’d be a great PM because, let’s be honest, he’s a pilfering pirate with an eye for the ladies and a constant stream of rum, but he manages to get himself and others out of the most deadly of scenarios and he does *actually* seem to care about the people around him. Also, his face would make TV debates much more interesting, amirite?
What’s in his manifesto?
Take from the rich, drop taxes on rum and always stick to the code.
What’s his campaign quote?
“Me? I’m dishonest and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for.”
Paddington Bear from Paddington
Why Paddington?
Because he tries his best to stick to the rules, everyone loves him and when he f*cks up, he admits it.
What’s in his manifesto?
Make marmalade free for all and ensure everyone has equal rights, whether you’re a Peruvian bear or a British human.
What’s his campaign quote?
“Mrs Brown says that in London, everyone is different, and that means anyone can fit in. I think she must be right, because although I don’t look like anyone else, I really do feel at home. I’ll never be like other people, but that’s alright, because I’m a bear. A bear called Paddington.”
Gromit from Wallace and Gromit
Why Gromit?
When the only other guy on your team is a witless, cheese fanatic obsessed with pointless gadgets and any woman who side-eyes him (we’re thinking about Boris again), you seriously have to step up. Gromit does exactly that and saves the day on the regular.
What’s in his manifesto?
Stop privileged old white men from being twats.
What’s his campaign quote?
He’s the strong, silent type is Gromit…
Mary Poppins from Mary Poppins
Why Mary?
Because she teeters across the line of strict power and care, something that we’re gagging for a bit of… we, and basically all politicians, could do with a bit of tough love.
What’s in her manifesto?
Spoonfuls of sugar, obviously.
What’s her campaign quote?
“As I expected. ‘Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way.’”
Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada
Why Miranda?
Miranda knows exactly what she wants and she always gets it. She speaks with control, intent and scares the Wang out of everyone who works for her because they know she’s the best of the best. However, if the public’s reaction to Theresa May’s spenny leather trousers was anything to go by, Miranda’s wardrobe would be seriously frowned upon; she would give approximately zero f*cks.
What’s in her manifesto?
Frown upon those who aren’t as good as her. Alright, maybe she’d be a shit PM.
What’s her campaign quote?
“Please bore someone else with your questions.”
