Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
It’s a troubling time as the world glares straight into the face of its potential doom, all asking the same question; how did Donald Trump actually win?
The face of the US Apprentice has come a long way since he first burst into the public eye. The Donald featured pretty heavily in 1987’s ‘American Psycho’, the story of a Wall St serial killer who was obsessed with him, but the Trump of ‘87 was a different man to the blur of wall-building, daughter-fancying, wig-wearing, pee-loving, Buzzfeed-trashing, fake-news-hating orange noise we know and fear today; he was ‘just’ a gazillionaire in a limo and only a real danger to anyone with the misfortune to work for him or share a gene pool.
So as the world awaits the beginning of the end, Team RFC are asking the important question; who said it, Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“Tiny children are not horses.”
Oh-so profound and true, tiny children are absolutely not horses but who stated this bizarre fact?
It was Trump, chatting about cutting down life-saving kids vaccinations.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“It’s too disgusting. Don’t say it, it’s disgusting.”
Whoever said this was obviously pretty bothered by something truly revolting, repulsive and completely awful… But who?
It’s Trump again, in response to Hillary Clinton taking a bathroom break… What a guy.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
Who said these thought-provoking (yet obvious) words?
It was Forrest, providing future generations with a short and handy quote to describe Trump.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad, it really is.”
Rude and unforgivable or awkward and a bit funny? Depends on whose mouth it came from…
It was Trump’s presumably clean and fresh-at-all-times mouth. He said it to Larry King live on air in ‘89.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“There was this man giving a little talk and, for some reason, he was wearing an American flag for a shirt. And he liked the ‘f’ word a lot. “F this” and ‘f that” and every time he said the ‘f’ word, for some reason, they cheered.”
Is this the tale of someone Forrest came across, or the description of Trump as he stares lovingly at his own reflection?
Forrest said it, whilst talking about a Washington Monument war protest rally.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“(It) bit me right in the buttocks. They said it was a million dollar wound.”
The Trump loves to drop the words ‘million’ and ‘dollar’ into as many sentences as possible but did he recount this weird butt-biting tale?
No, it was Forrest! Turns out some of the chocolates in his mama’s box were arse nibblers.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“Look at these hands… I guarantee you there is no problem.”
Gump lovers know how fast Forrest was with his hands but did he show off his digits to prove something?
He didn’t! It was Trump, desperately using the size of his hands in an attempt to prove the largeness of his, ahem, manhood. *shudder*
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“And ‘cause I was a gazillionare, and I liked doing it so much.”
Who was showing off about his cash and what did he like doing?!
It was Forrest, talking about grass-cutting. We gag at the thought of what Trump probably would have been talking about.
Forrest Gump or Donald Trump?
“You know, it doesn’t really matter what (the media) write, as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”
So was it Forrest Gu… Oh screw it. It’s obviously Trump.
Before we plunge into a world where Trump is in charge, let us fill our minds with facts. We may as well soak up some truths before The Donald starts spewing out the lies.
- The first of three TV debates between Clinton and Trump was watched by a record 84 million people. The most anyone got out of it was the Time of my Life video.
- The ‘Four more years’ photo tweeted by Obama was the most retweeted post ever – until Ellen DeGeneres tweeted that celeb group selfie.
- John F Kennedy is the youngest ever elected president at 43.
- Trump is first ever elected Oompa Loompa.
